Lost, and losing ; 2012

Ive lost, how Ive lost, where Ive lost,
the question remains unanswered
what will be this life,
prolonged in this situation.

I am weary, week and in pain,.
My heart does not support me, my Lord,
days does not favour me any more,
its a test, i'm failing again and again

Throwing me every second, my life as I see
without you is all tipsy turvy .
Let those waves for once wash me back in your arms .
For there I may get the solace I need, the peace I longed for.

Selfish I am now.
With no good begets good .
Alone, in the midnight hour , I weep,
I know, Ive lost, and I know what Ive.

As you see me I want to see you, as I see you
in the mirror its you still radiating the yellow of the sun.
As the white ice your colour shimmers
you adopt the same icy numbness,
that begets from ice, snowwhite.

Let me not lure you  back to oceans of pain,
I too suffer in its midst alone,
 with waves of time,
crushing the bones.

Let me know atleast that you watch me
through an eye hole after shutting me out.
As silent as a lamb, I talked to you ,
as a cuckoo you always sang to me.

Never quarreled me and you.
Alas! it ended without a quarrel.
Its autumn the sun is hot and the wind is cold,
flowers are red but falling leaves are gold.

Heart has lost its voice,
as priorities takes over, its me, mine,
 I have to, rather than want to,
 its you, yours, and I don't need you,
yet I want you. I see you as I see you, not how you present.

I don't hear you  As I used to, yet I hear you .
Yes i hear you in every heart beat.
I embrace you as I did embraced you.  Even when u r hidden.
Yes I embrace you, i know you are here.

I feel u as I feel u, not how you want me to feel you.
i feel the spring warmth, its you
I touch u, as I touch u, whether u know or not.
its the wind that caress you, i touch

I have you, as I had you, cause I never lost you.
you are still in my heart, beating, alive.
I breathe you as I breathe you, you may not know.
its still sweet, the same fragrance every breeze brings.

I feel you as I felt you, you let me or won't
its nature, where you are, your imprints, I feel.

I beat for u, as my heart always did.
still missing a beat once in a while, while I wait for you ,
till wait is over in awhile. I know you as I miss you .
every moment, every breath, every day, day by day.

I am hurt as I hurt u, as hurt you are,
It was never me, I or you, but US, us as complete as it could get.
I know I've lost, and what I've lost,
And what eternal pain that I've gained

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Missing you 164 21-3-1995

When dawn downs its curtain of rays,
with its first beam, I miss you.
At vesper when Sun sets in grey,
With its dying last rays, I miss you.

In the Shining blaze of noon,
With each drop of sweat, I miss you.
On a night of full moon,
With its hallowed aura, I miss you

In the heat of May, and chill of December,
and on a rainy July day, I miss you.
On a spring day, and in the cool of November,
With every cool breeze, I miss you.

With every note of my guitar,
When rung out beautifully, I miss you.
With every vision very far,
Where flowers bloom, I miss you.

With every falling drop of shuddering rain,
with fresh smell of drenched earth, I miss you.
With the thundering sound of passing train
whose rhythm pounds with my heart, I miss you.

I miss you darling, Whatever you think,
with my eyes open and when they blink.

Friendship day tribute 179/122 4-8-1997

Dear Friend, your love,
the friendship you swore.
Like the loving dove,
I felt never like this before.

It's the cherished gift,
I'll forever nurture.
What so ever be time's drift,
and what may be the future.

Grant a favour dear mine,
be like YOU, forever.
Be like a gentle sun shine,
and a happy smile forever.

As a blessing, you are, O' friend,
and be a friend till the end.

Promise 20-3-1995

Whenever you need somebody,
to share your sorrows.
I will be there M'lady,
to share your lows.

Whenever you fell crying,
put your head on my shoulder.
I will always be caring,
no matter how may I grow older.

Whenever you are worried,
let me shed them for you,
Love inside is deeply buried,
inscribed on my soul for you.

Whenever you have nowhere to go,
I'll always be there with my love to glow.

Guddu , almost Genius: to my younger brother.

Guddu , almost Genius: to my younger brother.:  09th October 1991 To, my younger brother, whom I've watched , grow. Healthy mind and mind stronger, moulded beauty with arched br...

to my younger brother.

 09th October 1991

To, my younger brother,

whom I've watched , grow.

Healthy mind and mind stronger,

moulded beauty with arched brow.

The shrine in his mystic eyes,

proves what an angel to be.

His every move and each try,

to get up and move on his knees.

I've found a real companion,

and I've found myself in past.

similar face, one blood, one opinion,

with a couple of lines last.

Best of luck for hardships to come,

In future, may misfortunes be none.

When i wrote this poem my younger brother Faiz was merely few months old.

Festival of colours

8th march 2012, its festival of colours being celebrated in the Indian subcontinent and wherever Indians are. this year coinciding on the woman's day. festival of colour celebrating the colours of life in form of women.




What colours will be there when there would have been no women ? 
( speculation, let it not to be). 

As a child the first colour i saw was that of my mother, pure, radiating, selfless,

and instantly i was painted in her colour.

When my sister was born, i was again painted wit hues of colours, colours of arguments, ego, fights, quarrels and love.

I fell in love, and i still am painted in her colour, deep inside. purest, sacrificing, wanting, waiting, weeping, crying ,  loving, hugging, smiling with her eyes.

My first child, most beautiful daughter, my baby girl I've seen was born, she painted me in her colour. amazing.

There were and are many friends from fairer sex who were there always painting me in their colours.

Then there were my grandmother's, both looking down on me from their abode in heaven, still showering their love, I miss them, But, today i tell them loud that yes i am coloured in some colours you wanted me to have.

Then there was this brave young widowed mother, a queen, who has coloured me in a different manner, as she did to the Indians leading upfront in the first war of independence, way back in 1857, and felling on the battlefield along with her female afghan bodyguards. Queen Laxmi Bai, i salute you, not for bravery you showed, or your valour, or your charisma that made your opposition running coward. but as a composite example of accumulated hues of all colours associated with women.

I happened to hear Mother Teresa @Jabalpur when i was very young, i could not make out much of it then, but today i  have some colour of her WHITES.

There were many women who time and again have proved themselves. Innumerable examples of colours , in all hues, shades and radiance.

i thank all women of the world, those happily married after types, those still waiting, those doing what they love to do, those who are doing what is expected them to do without complaining. 

i pray for the welfare of those women who are unsafe, in any condition. May Almighty help them best. 

On the contrary, i have nothing to say to those women who shed their womanhood and went astray, let there be light for you.

I thank you all who have painted me in the colour i am today. and i love you all in the same manner as i did yesterday or day before or years before. PEACE BE WITH YOU ALL.

wish you a happy festival of colours. and a happy women's day.